I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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