Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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