Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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