Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
porn star boner night. come get it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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