If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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