I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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