he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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