So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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