Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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