Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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