Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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