Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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