she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize