Umm I'm too high to move.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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