when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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