if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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