I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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