All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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