john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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