Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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