More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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