508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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