I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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