I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize