Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize