I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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