I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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