She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You need Xanax blowdarts
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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