never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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