I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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