sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize