you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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