He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize