is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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