hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize