Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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