took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize