Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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