Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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