Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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