Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
operation have a gay friend backfired
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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