My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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