doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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