I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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