My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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