Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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