Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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