Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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