Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this just has baby written all over it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize