He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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