is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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